Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Ana - A decade on.

I guess it's about time I gave Ana a nod. My old web page redirects here and I expect 90% of my visitors are looking for writings on the subject. Or tips, probably tips.

I don't have anything new to bring to the table. You wouldn't swallow it if I did (chew! spit!). I had my experience, you'll have yours. If you're here you came because you're following the pro-ana trail. I'd like to tell you please don't. You're sick... and I think you know it. I think you're positively howling for help.. but that you have to get thin...really thin, before anyone will take you seriously, before anyone will even try to help you. Oh it makes me wild angry that girls (and for all you know, fat ones) are propagating this pro-ana junkto you. A lifestyle choice??? Yeah right.

But what do I know? I'm just jealous because I lacked the willpower, the discipline and the drive to get.. to STAY skinny. I want you to be fat so I can feel better about myself. I mean, that's how your mind's working right now. Thats how it works whenever you read anything that takes an anti-ana stance.

So forget me even trying to offer you an insight... What you have here is my letter to my fifteen year old self. Here's what me now would tell me, then.

"Nobody really cares how thin you are. I know that half of what you're doing is a kind of passive revenge. Look! you're screaming, I am slowly disappearing and you'll be very sorry when I'm gone. But sweetheart, nobody will miss a self-involved, shrivelled shell of a person. Be a good daughter, mother, friend, teacher. Channel your discipline into being all you can be (not all you can't). Life is short and you're shortening it. Right now you're young and your body can take it. It won't be like this for long. Make it to 25 and you'll see.
Being skinny isn't the answer to your problems. That's a delusion of the disease. You'll be thin and lonely, thin and broke, thin and ignored. Sure, you'll experience all these things from the fat end of the spectrum too... life sucks, it's hard, it hurts. You feel out of control (you are out of control) but ana isn't the answer. She isn't even your friend. She's weakening your bones, screwing up your chances of ever having children, she's robbing you of your rites of passage, severing the bonds between you and your family, your friends. She's making an island of you... and noone can live like that. Say goodbye to your dreams of a career, of a family, of scholastic achievement, of fame and fortune. You're giving up everything for this bitch."

No comments: