Paradigm shifts

How am I supposed to face my own mortality without faith? I've been circling the idea for years, in a quasi-danse macabre. I spoke of reconciliation, of acceptance and anticipation... and how naive that was... because these conversations and flirtations were nothing more than a further, final denial. I haven't faced my own mortality... I've erected great bastions of distraction. It's like Winny Carr saying Flora, "Let me show you your wonderful death!"... and then flicking to page 62. It isn't the same thing at all.