I'm one.
Me.
Over here.
I sneered at the concept at first (as I'm wont to do). The truth is, I didn't even consider it. I hadn't read Weil (my high calibre misogny in play) and I didn't like (my ego didn't like) how he threw the notion out at me. It wasn't a learned discussion, he wasn't seeking new perspectives and coffee-house enlightenment. He was challenging me... testing me... and I failed the second he finished his sentence.
But days fade, weeks meld. Every night I set the two alarm cocks that would run the same race. As he himself said to me; 'Rachael that's the fabulous thing about time.... it passes."
...And when, some time later, I remembered that charged exchange, I thought how right he was. How we (the glorious multitude) need roots. How uprooted people are damaged and disfigured. How we can't live in the populised cohesive utopia that the young, the affected and the left, sell to us.
He knows it. I know it. Weil knew it.
5 comments:
I love you all my internetz frendz. I may not have a lot right now but I have you.
Just browsed this blog as the curious man I am to see the toxicity of Apple seeds after reading years back that you can chemically extract pure cyanide from them. Long story short, I attempted suicide at least 5 times... And countless others due to copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. Even the times I tried I failed. And even though I am still untreated for my apparent depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, chronic pain and drug abuse due to such...I wanna say one thing only to those that wanna die. If u wanna die that bad, a bullet to the brain stem through the mouth will do it. I never tried that. Maybe because I knew there was no turning back from it. But if u wanna do it... Fucking do it right like a boss and stick a gun in your mouth, point it back towards your brain stem and problem solved. For u anyways. Not for those u leave behind to bury you. I've been there guys. Just keep fighting. My life still sucks but I still smile and still help others. Maybe my misery is my reason to live. To live with my pain to help others get through theirs. But fuck!!!! If ur gonna do it, don't blog about it like a fucking kid. Either get help or get your life straight or put that fucking gun in your mouth and do it right.
It only matters for that certain time after your death that people will be hurt and stuff, there after everything is normal, people might only remember you on your birthday or the day which you died. If you thinking of killing yourself. You should go ahead and do, only you know why and what you are going through. If you feel that it's better to end your life, go ahead, I support you 100%....!
Reading these comments makes me so sad for you and your families and friends that will be the ones left behind to grief over you and ache with pain for a long time. Did you know that Jesus’s loves you and I love you, Jesus would bear five you anything you can’t handle, if you think you have it bad now. Waite until your dead and your roasting in hell. Because Suicides don’t go to heaven, they just dont.. there is nothing but pain and suffering there. In hell death happens thousands of times a days, and you pray for it because it. Would be. Relief compared to the agony pain and torture your going through there. But. Just. When you think it will finally be over and. Your killed then your reserected and Come back to life for the torture to start over, there’s a river of sorrow where people and. Body parts and heads, taking head are floating in this. River. And it last for eternity , never ending suffering. Jesus is the truth the. Light and. The way,he is your salvation and the only way you can be. Saved is through Jesus Christ, not death.. he loves you. He’s been waiting patiently for you too call on him, Please now your head and pray with me now, say lord, I need you lord, I’m lost and confused I feel like I’m all alone. And there’s no way out, I feel abondond and lost. But I don’t. Want to feel this way lord Jesus, I want u to be my lord and savior. Come into my heart and wash my sins away. I repent my sins to you Jesus, cleanse my heart and soul and make. Me. New again, I don’t know what too do with my problems anymore lord , but I know it’s not for me to know, so I’m gonna stop trying to run my own life. I surrender to your will lord, I surrender to you. I’m giving. My life any heart my soul and everything to you. Let your will be done, I surrender to your will lord, I believe that god sent his only begotten son to die on the cross door me so that my sins my be forgiven, he died so I could live, thank you god for. Loving me so Much and thank you Jesus for dieing for my sins so that one day when it’s your will, I can dwell in the house of the lord forever and ever, my life belongs too you lord Jesus. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
Reading these comments makes me so sad for you and your families and friends that will be the ones left behind to grief over you and ache with pain for a long time. Did you know that Jesus’s loves you and I love you, Jesus would bear five you anything you can’t handle, if you think you have it bad now. Waite until your dead and your roasting in hell. Because Suicides don’t go to heaven, they just dont.. there is nothing but pain and suffering there. In hell death happens thousands of times a days, and you pray for it because it. Would be. Relief compared to the agony pain and torture your going through there. But. Just. When you think it will finally be over and. Your killed then your reserected and Come back to life for the torture to start over, there’s a river of sorrow where people and. Body parts and heads, taking head are floating in this. River. And it last for eternity , never ending suffering. Jesus is the truth the. Light and. The way,he is your salvation and the only way you can be. Saved is through Jesus Christ, not death.. he loves you. He’s been waiting patiently for you too call on him, Please now your head and pray with me now, say lord, I need you lord, I’m lost and confused I feel like I’m all alone. And there’s no way out, I feel abondond and lost. But I don’t. Want to feel this way lord Jesus, I want u to be my lord and savior. Come into my heart and wash my sins away. I repent my sins to you Jesus, cleanse my heart and soul and make. Me. New again, I don’t know what too do with my problems anymore lord , but I know it’s not for me to know, so I’m gonna stop trying to run my own life. I surrender to your will lord, I surrender to you. I’m giving. My life any heart my soul and everything to you. Let your will be done, I surrender to your will lord, I believe that god sent his only begotten son to die on the cross door me so that my sins my be forgiven, he died so I could live, thank you god for. Loving me so Much and thank you Jesus for dieing for my sins so that one day when it’s your will, I can dwell in the house of the lord forever and ever, my life belongs too you lord Jesus. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
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